Wish You Were Here....

That "Wishing You Were Here" Moment

We all have those moments when we wish that our loved one was here with us.  As for me, it is all the time.  I'm sure in our lives we will wish that our loved one would be there on our wedding day, the day our first child is born, the day we graduate from middle or high school, or college, to watch us score that winning goal in our football game or field hockey game, or during the holidays to give them a present, or to receive one from them.  

We must remember, though, that, they are and will be with us on those days. Maybe not physically, but in our hearts, which I know I have stated before.   One thing my mother always told me a few days before she passed, was, "If I can't live another day, I want you to live those days for me. Take those slow breaths for me."  It hurt when she said things like that, especially when she would talk about her looming death in front of me when I was only twelve, but I truly realize now, that I needed to know that and hear those things.

The "wish you were here" moments are normal, and they hurt.  They hurt because we wish we could spend those days with our loved ones in the stands, or walking us down the aisle, or baking the apple pie in the oven.  Those do hurt when we think about that because we long for that again. I know that I always say, "Man I wish I could do that again with mom, but I'm never going to get that chance again, but I may, just with her being in a different place, in my heart, but still with me."  

I completely understand how you all feel when you wish that you could go back on that special vacation together like you did when you were a second grader, or you wish that your best friend was still here so you could have your tradition of eating popcorn  on New Years Eve.  I know it is difficult, but maybe a suggestion, find a new friend to eat popcorn with, or go on vacation with your family again.  Remember that those things still can be fun without your loved one there.  Make your own memories. I promise, life and memories do not end when one of our loved ones passes away, and I know it may feel like that all the time.  I had to learn that the hard way.

Life. Goes. On.

I always hated to celebrate the holidays without my mom because it felt like something was missing.  I always felt nervous and anxious when I had to visit with my mother's family, being worried that my mom would be the only person we would focus on, instead of things like how I was doing in school, or the weather in Richmond.  I never wanted to go on airplanes after she passed, worried that something would happen to me. I always would find ways to worry about if I was getting cancer or not because a few strands of my hair would fall out. It was all silly. I didn't want to live life without my mother by my side, it was not fair and still is not.  

Now, I look forward to vacations and the holidays. Although I still miss my mother, I remember that she still loves me and is there in my heart, and I don't need to miss her, but enjoy the time I am having with my family.  I love my mom and always will. Life goes on, and I look to others and activities to make me smile and have a very good life.  I am grateful for everyone in my life.  

Do you guys ever get this "Wish you were here..." moment?  Let me know in the comments!

Site to further influence my ideas:
http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/life-issues/challenges/mental-and-emotional-issues/grief-finding-hope-in-the-darkness#.UqELlpTk_fg

Happy Holidays,

Elizabeth

Picture From:

http://esdeer.com/beautiful-quotes-for-grief/

Grief During the Holidays

Tis The Season or..... 

During the holiday season, where we are now, grief has a chance to sneak up on us.  Whether you were grieving while stuffing your face with your grandmother's amazing mashed potatoes, or you are sitting on the couch watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, and wishing that your loved one was sitting with you, it is all normal.  I know that, for me, during the holidays, I always, always, always, miss my mom.  I miss getting to decorate the Christmas tree with her, or getting to prepare the holiday feast in the kitchen with her.  I overall miss her presence.  One other thing that still to this day at age seventeen, I miss seeing the presents under the tree that say: To: Lizzie, From: Mommy.  I always loved getting presents from my mother. She always knew what I wanted, even when I didn't tell her.  Overall, the holidays are hard without her.  

Below, are a list of things we can do to help ourselves be happy and jolly during the holiday seasons, whether you celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa.  No matter what, the feeling of missing our loved one is still present, especially being teenagers, because sometimes we feel that we must be "strong" for our other loved ones who are grieving as well, when we don't. We only need to focus on having an amazing time while we have off of work and school. Here are the tips:

1. Help family members decorate

2. Help with the meal, especially if your loved one cooked, make their "special dish" and serve it to everyone in memory of your passed away loved one. 

3. Sing their favorite holiday tune. Blast it around your house, dance, sing, do whatever makes you happy

4. If you are religious, pray. Prayer can help that grieving pain, and helps us become more spiritual during the holiday seasons

5. Get into the holiday mood!  Turn your home or your friend's home into a holiday celebration.  Bring the wrapping paper and the cookie dough. Make cookies, and have fun wrapping the presents you will give to your loved ones.

6. Go visit the site or grave where your loved one has been laid to rest.  Decorate that place.  Get a miniature Christmas tree and string lights around it. Put it on their grave so they have a little bit of Christmas too.  Go with family members as well, who knew the person, and pray together, or spend quiet time while visiting.  

7. Have fun! Do not dwell on your sadness. It gets better, focus on the new iPhone your favorite family member just gave you, or focus on the fact that you may or may not have to take semester exams.  Rejoice!

I hope these help. I always try to do at least three of these.  I know that my whole family loves to decorate the tree on Christmas Eve, while chocolate chip cookies are baking in the oven.  Yummy!  Spend time with the other ones you love. Your loved one who has passed away will still love you, and sometimes you may feel a strong love from that loved one, at least I do.  

The holidays are a difficult time for grief, but don't let it put a damper on your holiday spirit.  The holidays are  happy occasions where we get to give thanks for all that we do have in our lives.  Take the time to say quietly, "Thank you" for anything at anytime.  Grief is not something to give thanks for, but be thankful that your loved one is no longer in pain, and is happy where they are now.  

Happy Holidays! Hope you have fun! Your loved one still loves you, and when you look at the head of the dining room table, picture your loved one sitting there with a plate full of food, and a present in front of them, smiling, and whispering to you, "I am so proud of you."  Have a wonderful holiday season!

As Always, 

Elizabeth

A site that may help more:

http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/help-for-the-holidays/

http://www.griefhealing.com/coping-with-holidays-articles.htm

We Get It!

Why Death and Each Others' Grief Is Unique....

We only know what it feels like, because we have gone through it. It is not easy, but it makes us stronger.

As teens going through grief, we may or may not understand what death is, or why our loved ones passed away.  I completely understand.  As I've said before, I lost my mom when I was 12! No one had ever explained death and loss to me.  I never knew what the word grief even meant to begin with, until a family member sat me down and explained it to me.  When I first learned what it was, I totally did not understand at all.  Some of you may not either, but as I have explained before, grief is the process everyone experiences after a loved one passes away.
There are also many, many causes of death. Just to list a few:
1. Cancer
2. Car Accident
3. Homicide or Suicide
4. Illness
5. Elderly Age
6. Child Birth
And many more.....

Most of us have different experiences, and it is hard to relate to others when our circumstances are different.  We may be talking to someone who has gone through loss, and their loved one may have died from a car accident, while we lost our loved one due to illness.  One may be long term, and one may be very short term, and possibly unexpected.  Although, no matter what, everyone feels the same pain (grief).  A family member of mine passed away from Alzheimer's, and I lost my great-grandmother due to another illness.   I lost two people we cared about and loved.

Another thing we may think or say is, "Well, no one understands what I'm going through!"  This is true sometimes.  Everyone has lost someone in their lives before, but it may have been a long time, so they still have grief, but it has subsided. Other times, some people have not gone through loss personally, then in that situation, they indeed do not understand. Grief is something that includes pain that is indescribable.

Sometimes we may want to explain our pain to someone or something, but can't find any words to explain it.  An easy way I find is to say, "I am in pain." Then, usually, the person I am talking to understands that I am indeed talking about my grief.

Age can also effect our grief.  If we lost our loved ones at the age on one year old, then it isn't so difficult, because chances are we didn't know the passed away loved one so well, being that we were only one year old.  However if we were ten years old or a teenager, we would know the person better, and the loss would be harder, because we would have memories with that person over a span of a number of years. Then if we are thirty or fifty years old, it may be even more difficult, because if it is a parent, a grandparent, a friend, or another family member, we may have even more memories of that person, and the relationship(s) may be more developed, making the grief stronger.  It all depends.

No matter what, grief hurts!  Whether you are two years old or sixty-five years old, the pain is all similar.  Grief isn't easy, and it is hard to get on ourselves for feeling so sad, but it is all expected.  Don't worry, there is nothing wrong with you.  You are all unique in your own ways, while still trying to figure out your own ways of dealing with the grief that comes with our losses.

Do you ever feel alone?  Leave your response in the comment section! Let me know.

Thanks so much for reading!
As Always,
Elizabeth

Here is an interesting site to check out!
http://www.tpronline.org/article.cfm/Teens__Grief


Picture Above From:
http://mothergrievinglossofchild.blogspot.com/

The Stages of Our Grief

~The Difficult Stages and Feelings We Get Through Grief~

 

That feeling that you may get of, "Why did this have to happen to me?" or "I didn't do anything to deserve this!" are both completely normal. Even the "This is so NOT fair!" is so regular and completely normal as well, plus it's true! I feel them all the time.  It is not fair when a loved one is taken from us, especially when they are younger or if the death is unexpected.  Grief, by no means, is easy, as I've said before.  As teens, we may feel that no one is there to listen to us when our grief is on the stronger side.  I will take this time to explain the different stages of grief. Not everyone experiences all these, but most of them are common.  Just remember, if you begin to go through strong waves and periods of grief, look to others for comfort, especially if they knew the person who passed on.

The Stages and Their Meanings: (not in a perfect order)

• Grief~ The main feeling of all the rest of these stages. The word used to explain the pain we go through after our loss of a loved one or loved ones.
• Hate~ You may experience yourself hating the person who passed away, or the caretakers who took care of your loved one during their difficult times. Grief can also make you dislike yourself, that you didn't do enough, or you aren't 'grieving the way you should.' Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone grieves differently!
• Revenge~ Revenge occurs when you may wish that your loved one's death happened to someone else's loved one.  
• Atrocity~ You may not understand why your loved one passed one. Some people feel as though their loved ones died only to cause pain to others, when that, in most cases, is not the reason
• Fears~ This one is one of the largest stages. I had many problems with my fears interfering with my life. Fears may include worrying if another loved one is going to pass away, or the person who passed on is not in peace, when I can assure you, they are.
• Pain~ Pain is also one of the hardest stages. You can probably also tell by the name, P-A-I-N.  Pain sums up everything.  You may experience pain due to how strong the loss was in your life, or when the death occurs, especially if it is right in the middle of the school year. I was lucky in my own experience, where my mother passed away in the summer, three weeks after school got out for summer.  Pain is also one of the strongest stage and brings a larger impact on our grief. Grief and pain are like synonyms.  
• Anger~ This relates back to atrocity.  It does because we may become angry at the loved one because they weren't 'strong' enough, or they didn't care enough about us, so they decided to leave.  Anger comes if you are trying to 'talk' with your loved one who has passed away, and you may not get results the way you would like, or at the times you would like, but they are there still listening and thinking about you.  Anger may also come if you are trying to explain your situation to someone who is not interested in listening to you, and you become angry that they will not listen to you. It feels almost like a lack of trust.  

Then the loop continues.  Like I said before, not everyone experiences every single stage, and if you do, they may not all occur in the same order each time.  

When you experience these stages, it is important to refer back to my first post, and try and figure out what can distract you from the sometimes unexpected feelings and emotions.  Also, do not be afraid to release the emotions that may occur along with the feelings. It is normal! No one has the right to judge you or to criticize you for how you are feeling or how you are showing that.  

I want to find one person that says grief is easy.  It is not true, and anyone experiencing it knows that. 

What is your favorite thing to do to help subside your grief? Let me know in the comments.

In the link below, some other stages of grief are explained, especially occurring in teens, like us.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief

Thank you and As Always,

Elizabeth

Picture From:

http://healingplaceshome.com/new-reenies-piece-mind/

Church Hill, Richmond, VA Food Tour

How Can Such Good Food Exist in Richmond?

(Above) This is the savory, delicious, and of course
amazing buttermilk pie and the cute little cupcake with
the raspberry.

(Above) This is a Tru-Ade sign above Anthony's
On the Hill Pizzeria.  

Recently, my class went on a 'Real Richmond Food Tour of Church Hill' in Richmond, VA.  It was amazing.  I had never heard of any of the places we stopped in. Although it was raining the day we went, it was so much fun. I met all the owners and chefs in the restaurants.  We had barbecue from Alamo Barbecue, which was one of my favorites.  We went to Anthony's On the Hill, which was the best homemade pizza I've ever eaten in my life, and that is not an understatement.  We then went to Well-Made Pastry Alliance or WPA Bakery, where we ate creamy, savory buttermilk pie, which was made out of leftovers, and a delicious vanilla cupcake with a small raspberry on the top. That was my all time favorite spot.  We then went to Sub Rosa Bakery. We did not get to try anything there, but we learned the history of the Bakery.  They had a fire last April.  I will definitely look forward to going there again once it is reopened.  Our last stop was at Proper Pie Co.  

These places all offered amazing foods. Some I had had before, but never like this.  It really pulled me out of my 'comfort zone' of my food favorites. When we left each place, I told my friends, "I'm definitely bringing my family here sometime!"  The two places I enjoyed the most were Anthony's On the Hill (the Italian restaurant) and the WPA Bakery. I love pizza and sweets, especially when they're completely homemade.  The pizza was completely hand-made, from the crust, to the tomato sauce.  The buttermilk pie and the cupcake were so amazing. They melted in the mouth.  

I completely recommend the Real Richmond experience.  These food tours are adult and teen friendly. Not only do you get to eat mouthwatering food, but you get to learn about the history of the places you walk to.  We got to overlook downtown Richmond and learned the history while enjoying some Alamo Barbecue, which by the way gets delivered by a man riding an awesome pink bike.  Also, it is fun because it's like going out to eat with a bunch of your friends. It would be an awesome activity to do on a date or just wanting to spend some snacking time with your friends and/ or family.  You can do it by yourself with a bunch of other people, or you can form a group to go with.  They offer different food tours all over Richmond, not just in Church Hill.  You can go on the Real Richmond website to find out more information.

This topic is not related to what I usually write about, but it is a very amazing experience I went through and decided to share it with you all amazing people. It is a great way to not have to focus on your grief.  It is an activity to do to keep you busy, like I suggested in my last post.  Thanks for taking the time to read this!

As Always, 

Elizabeth

How Can I Deal With My 'Everlasting' Grief?

I take it you would like some support with your personal, what-seems-like-forever grief.  You are in the right place!  I have had to deal with it as well, ever since I was twelve years old. Now being a seventeen year old girl having to grow up without my mother has been difficult, but I have gotten through it.  Yet grief is a life-long process, it does get easier. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though I know it seems there is no way that is possible.  It is harder being a teenager and losing a loved one, I know because I had and have to deal with it everyday.  We get worried that our peers, teachers, or other family members will judge us because of our possible emotions that occur with grief. A tip to do is, don't let them get to you. You deserve this time to grieve because grief is a very difficult process. No one can tell you, "Oh, it's been (however long it's been since your loved one(s)), shouldn't you be over it by now?" The answer is, no! You take as long as you need to take to grieve. Those comments and/or questions can drive some us crazy, and that is okay because no one knows how grief feels until they experience it for themselves.


Grief is a special, personal relationship between you and the person who passed on.  Life does go on after the death, even though I know, it feels, at first, like an endless pit of sadness and uncontrollable emotions.  Here are some tips that can make the grieving process more manageable.

Top 10:
1. Stay busy and don't dwell on your sadness.
2. If you want, sit quietly and talk to the person or persons that have passed away; it does not need to be out loud but can be in your own mind.
3. Don't worry about displeasing your peers, parents, or teachers with your grief, it takes time and there is no time limit of when grief should permanently end.
4. Join a support group of other teens just like you who have been through the same experiences as you have, it makes it so much easier because I joined one, and I learned I am not alone in this.
5. Talk to friends of family members who you know will listen to you when you need to express yourself, it makes it more difficult if you decide to talk to someone who has no knowledge of grief, or someone who couldn't care less if you were going through a difficult time. Expressing yourself openly is the best medicine.
6. Don't try to 'move on' or 'forget your loved one,' but try to 'move forward.' This takes time. It is not very possible to do if the death is recent, but as time subsides, moving forward in life becomes much easier and not as scary.
7. Don't take out your feelings on others, especially others who are grieving the same person.
8. Write in a journal or diary. It is a secret, or open place to explain how you are personally feeling that day, week, month, year, second, etc. No one has to see it except for you.
9. Look through old photo albums with that person's picture in it, to help you remember them in a happy, better state. It helps a lot, too, when you can remember that same time when the photo(s) were taken
10. Enjoy the teenage years! Don't let grief overpower you in anything, whether it be your social life or your school life. Love life! After a loved one passes on, we learn how precious life truly is.
~Let me know if you would like me to add more tips. Hope these help. Live. Laugh. Love.

As Always,
Elizabeth


The picture above comes for:
https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1104&bih=640&q=grief+in+teens+being+happy&oq=grief+in+teens+being+happy&gs_l=img.3...1292.4992.0.5128.26.11.0.15.15.0.82.691.11.11.0....0...1ac.1.27.img..13.13.694.2GhhJF3DdBk#hl=en&q=grief+quotes&tbm=isch&facrc=_&imgdii=KxZsZ7mjhvp5KM%3A%3BJtIB7N_yg816AM%3BKxZsZ7mjhvp5KM%3A&imgrc=KxZsZ7mjhvp5KM%3A%3B7Mp-g8TANkhhwM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.texastypeamom.com%252Fwp-content%252Fuploads%252F2012%252F01%252FWhite-Cloud-copy.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.texastypeamom.com%252F2012%252F01%252Fquotes-on-grief-and-mourning.html%3B640%3B480