Wish You Were Here....

That "Wishing You Were Here" Moment

We all have those moments when we wish that our loved one was here with us.  As for me, it is all the time.  I'm sure in our lives we will wish that our loved one would be there on our wedding day, the day our first child is born, the day we graduate from middle or high school, or college, to watch us score that winning goal in our football game or field hockey game, or during the holidays to give them a present, or to receive one from them.  

We must remember, though, that, they are and will be with us on those days. Maybe not physically, but in our hearts, which I know I have stated before.   One thing my mother always told me a few days before she passed, was, "If I can't live another day, I want you to live those days for me. Take those slow breaths for me."  It hurt when she said things like that, especially when she would talk about her looming death in front of me when I was only twelve, but I truly realize now, that I needed to know that and hear those things.

The "wish you were here" moments are normal, and they hurt.  They hurt because we wish we could spend those days with our loved ones in the stands, or walking us down the aisle, or baking the apple pie in the oven.  Those do hurt when we think about that because we long for that again. I know that I always say, "Man I wish I could do that again with mom, but I'm never going to get that chance again, but I may, just with her being in a different place, in my heart, but still with me."  

I completely understand how you all feel when you wish that you could go back on that special vacation together like you did when you were a second grader, or you wish that your best friend was still here so you could have your tradition of eating popcorn  on New Years Eve.  I know it is difficult, but maybe a suggestion, find a new friend to eat popcorn with, or go on vacation with your family again.  Remember that those things still can be fun without your loved one there.  Make your own memories. I promise, life and memories do not end when one of our loved ones passes away, and I know it may feel like that all the time.  I had to learn that the hard way.

Life. Goes. On.

I always hated to celebrate the holidays without my mom because it felt like something was missing.  I always felt nervous and anxious when I had to visit with my mother's family, being worried that my mom would be the only person we would focus on, instead of things like how I was doing in school, or the weather in Richmond.  I never wanted to go on airplanes after she passed, worried that something would happen to me. I always would find ways to worry about if I was getting cancer or not because a few strands of my hair would fall out. It was all silly. I didn't want to live life without my mother by my side, it was not fair and still is not.  

Now, I look forward to vacations and the holidays. Although I still miss my mother, I remember that she still loves me and is there in my heart, and I don't need to miss her, but enjoy the time I am having with my family.  I love my mom and always will. Life goes on, and I look to others and activities to make me smile and have a very good life.  I am grateful for everyone in my life.  

Do you guys ever get this "Wish you were here..." moment?  Let me know in the comments!

Site to further influence my ideas:
http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/life-issues/challenges/mental-and-emotional-issues/grief-finding-hope-in-the-darkness#.UqELlpTk_fg

Happy Holidays,

Elizabeth

Picture From:

http://esdeer.com/beautiful-quotes-for-grief/

Grief During the Holidays

Tis The Season or..... 

During the holiday season, where we are now, grief has a chance to sneak up on us.  Whether you were grieving while stuffing your face with your grandmother's amazing mashed potatoes, or you are sitting on the couch watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, and wishing that your loved one was sitting with you, it is all normal.  I know that, for me, during the holidays, I always, always, always, miss my mom.  I miss getting to decorate the Christmas tree with her, or getting to prepare the holiday feast in the kitchen with her.  I overall miss her presence.  One other thing that still to this day at age seventeen, I miss seeing the presents under the tree that say: To: Lizzie, From: Mommy.  I always loved getting presents from my mother. She always knew what I wanted, even when I didn't tell her.  Overall, the holidays are hard without her.  

Below, are a list of things we can do to help ourselves be happy and jolly during the holiday seasons, whether you celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa.  No matter what, the feeling of missing our loved one is still present, especially being teenagers, because sometimes we feel that we must be "strong" for our other loved ones who are grieving as well, when we don't. We only need to focus on having an amazing time while we have off of work and school. Here are the tips:

1. Help family members decorate

2. Help with the meal, especially if your loved one cooked, make their "special dish" and serve it to everyone in memory of your passed away loved one. 

3. Sing their favorite holiday tune. Blast it around your house, dance, sing, do whatever makes you happy

4. If you are religious, pray. Prayer can help that grieving pain, and helps us become more spiritual during the holiday seasons

5. Get into the holiday mood!  Turn your home or your friend's home into a holiday celebration.  Bring the wrapping paper and the cookie dough. Make cookies, and have fun wrapping the presents you will give to your loved ones.

6. Go visit the site or grave where your loved one has been laid to rest.  Decorate that place.  Get a miniature Christmas tree and string lights around it. Put it on their grave so they have a little bit of Christmas too.  Go with family members as well, who knew the person, and pray together, or spend quiet time while visiting.  

7. Have fun! Do not dwell on your sadness. It gets better, focus on the new iPhone your favorite family member just gave you, or focus on the fact that you may or may not have to take semester exams.  Rejoice!

I hope these help. I always try to do at least three of these.  I know that my whole family loves to decorate the tree on Christmas Eve, while chocolate chip cookies are baking in the oven.  Yummy!  Spend time with the other ones you love. Your loved one who has passed away will still love you, and sometimes you may feel a strong love from that loved one, at least I do.  

The holidays are a difficult time for grief, but don't let it put a damper on your holiday spirit.  The holidays are  happy occasions where we get to give thanks for all that we do have in our lives.  Take the time to say quietly, "Thank you" for anything at anytime.  Grief is not something to give thanks for, but be thankful that your loved one is no longer in pain, and is happy where they are now.  

Happy Holidays! Hope you have fun! Your loved one still loves you, and when you look at the head of the dining room table, picture your loved one sitting there with a plate full of food, and a present in front of them, smiling, and whispering to you, "I am so proud of you."  Have a wonderful holiday season!

As Always, 

Elizabeth

A site that may help more:

http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/help-for-the-holidays/

http://www.griefhealing.com/coping-with-holidays-articles.htm