Thank You For Loving Me

A Letter to you, Mom...

And Some Tips For You

Dear Mom, Mommy, Mama, Linda, Linnie, 

Thank you for loving me.  I still love you.  You blessed me with so many gifts, literally!  You gave me a wonderful family, wonderful friends, a wonderful house, wonderful parents, a beautiful dog, the best clothes, and of course, something not material, the best love.  You always came through when you told me you would do something for dad or me or grammie or someone else.  

When you were sick, it was so hard.  You and I just couldn't seem to see the end. As a little twelve year old, I had no idea what to expect in life.  I was so weird! Grief is still difficult, but I can deal with it.

I get stressed, and I still need to count on my mom to help me through it.  You are there.
I get tired, and I need to count on my mom to help me through it. You are there.
I get angry, and I need my mom to calm me down. You are there.
I get sad, and I need my mom to make me smile. You are there.

Although you are not here physically, you are here in my heart. Sometimes I really need to just have a conversation with you, and I know that I can because one thing that you always told me was that, "Even when I'm gone, you can still talk to me. I'll be listening."  That makes me smile. All my life, I've been able to trust and love you.

I love and miss you so much.

Love,
Lizzie Lou

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is something I do all the time.
I write letters to my mother. Even though they are not delivered by the mail man like usual mail to our friends, parents, grandparents, or whoever, this one, I know when I write it out, my mom can read it through my heart.

It is helpful when grief gets difficult because all you have to write about is your memories together with your loved one or just saying what is bothering you. They will understand.

When I write like this, I also do it because I know I am having a sort-of-conversation with my mother, which I have always wanted to do since she died.

Everyone's grief is different, but I know that this really helps.

Just sit down with a computer, paper, pencil, pen, marker, or whatever, and try to write a letter to your loved one.  I know I talked about writing an obituary, but writing a letter is even more personal. No one has to read it, and it is just your own little hang out time with your loved one.

Try it. You never know until you try!

It really helps! From a teenager that likes to always help people out, try this. Grief will feel like a breeze during this writing time.  It can be one sentence, it can be 100 sentences.

Write about:
The trip to the beach
Their birthday party
Growing up with them
Learning to ride a bike with them
Playing in the backyard with them
Going to school in the morning with them
Waking up on Christmas morning to their shining face

Here, anything goes! Have fun with it!

What do you guys like to do when you are grieving? Do you like to write like me?
Leave your responses in the comments!

As Always,
Elizabeth

Pet Grief

Losing Our Furry Companions is Just as Difficult

 Losing a pet can be just as hard as losing a loved one.  I am very close to all of my pets.  Sometimes I tend to tell more to my pets than I tell to my family, well, because they can't spill any of my secrets.

My Youngest Cat: Guinness (a.k.a Kitten)
14 years old (Passed away March 6, 2014)

Guinness (above) has passed away most recently from a cancerous tumor on her backside. It completely broke my heart. She and her five other brothers and sisters were born in my mud room fourteen years ago.  She slept with me every night, and liked to use my arms and hands as scratching posts, which was never fun. I still loved her, though! She was an outdoor cat for most of her life, until one day, we would open the door, and she would look out, and turn around and go back upstairs.  

I miss her dearly, and it is very strange not having her around in my room, meowing at me every minute for love and attention. She will always be in my heart.

My Oldest Cat: Tinkerbell (Guinness' mother)
About 20 years old (Passed away three years ago)

Tinkerbell (above) is our oldest cat.  Before I was born, my parents owned a perfect white cat, Puddy, who passed away when I was four years old.  One night, I was being babysat and my parents were out at a special dinner.  I was about to head to bed, but my babysitter accidentally let our cat Puddy outside.  My babysitter quickly opened the door again, and called for her. She came back in, but another cat followed.  It was Tinkerbell.  She came onto our back patio, and was not planning on leaving.  My babysitter decided to give her a bowl of milk to see what she would do with the offering. Tinkerbell gladly accepted the milk, and from that moment on, she was ours.  What we didn't realize was that she was pregnant, and about four months later, she delivered five kittens.  We had friends adopt four and we kept one, which was Guinness.

Tinkerbell was a complete outdoor cat, and hated to be inside.  She was so sweet, and never wanted to bother or hurt anyone.  She ran away for a while, and when she didn't return, my dad and I realized that she had passed away.

I miss her as well.  She is still so special to me.

My Dog and My Best Friend: Molly
10 years old (Still living)

Molly, my all time favorite pet, is amazing. She never bites or barks. She just loves to cuddle! She can always sense when someone is feeling upset or really happy, because she will react along with you.  She will nudge under your arm and try to comfort you, but if you are feeling very happy, she will jump up and down like a mini deer. She will play with you. She always knows what to do, just so you can keep a smile on your face. She is protective, but only in a good sense.  

My dog and two cats were the ones that I was able to go to after the death of my mother.  It was almost like they could tell that she was going to die before any of us could.  

Pets are wonderful companions. Whether it be a fish, dog, cat, lizard, bunny, hamster, guinea pig, horse, pig, bird, or goat, they are all our best friends. 

It is always such a terrible moment when we lose that best friend. I have experienced it three times.  Our reactions are sometimes the same and sometimes different from when we grieve a human's death.  

One thing that I have done and that my friends have done is that they have had the body of their pet cremated or placed in a box for the family to take home.  

Another helpful idea for coping with the loss of your pet is to remember all of the fun times you and your pet(s) had together.  Since I have lost both of my cats, I have tried to remember all the times that they both would sleep with me on my bed, and each one would be on either side of me.  I also remember that the two cats would fight over each other's food bowls.  I had to put both down at the same time, or else Guinness would eat Tinkerbell's food before any of us knew what happened.  My mom and I would laugh over the small things like this.  Although I miss my two cats, I know that I will always have our memories in my heart, like I do with the memories I have with my mother.  

The other day, some one suggested that I could adopt a mini-me version of one of my cats, so it is basically like their lives begin all over again.  

Do not dwell on the passing of your pets. Just know that they are in a more comfortable place, where there is no harm or pain.  Their spirits will live on, even when they do not.  

If your pet is going to pass away soon, or not, cherish every moment you spend with them. I know I did before Guinness died. I sat with her and just stroked back the matted fur that had formed from the cancer.  Your pets love you, and do the same for them.  

When the time comes for them to pass, tell them a heartfelt goodbye. It may not mean as much to them, but to you, it explains how much compassion you have for them.  

Pets are just as important as our loved ones.  

Here is a video about pet grief:

As Always,

Elizabeth

The pictures above are mine.

Linda Ann June 11, 1958~June 25, 2009

A Biography of the Loving Mother, Wife, and Loved One

 My mom, Linda, was born on a beautiful June day; June 11, 1958.  

 She was born in New Jersey, and at a young age, she moved with her family to Connecticut.  She had a brother, my uncle, and her mom and dad, my grandmother and grandfather.

As she got older, they adopted a black lab and named her Charlie.  She was so kind to everyone, as I've heard, and nestled in on your lap if you were sad or feeling alone.  

She went to college at Colby-Sawyer College.  She told me of a story when my grandmother, her mother went to pick her up in the winter and the car heater was broken and there was about two feet of snow on the ground!  

Later, she met my dad.  She was a secretary of someone with whom my dad was working on a project.  They got married in 1991.  

A few years later, I was born and became the huge focal point of their lives.  I was a lucky girl, and still am.  

In 2000, we moved to a new house where we lived for 13 years.  As a surprise one summer, my mom and grandfather painted my room pink, my favorite color at the time.

In 2003, we adopted our yellow lab, Molly.

She is the light of our lives.  She is the one who I have relied on to help me through my grief.  

Back to my mother, in 2004, she had to have brain surgery due to a brain tumor.  She had the procedure and came home.  She recovered fully, and led a normal life.

We went to the Cayman Islands for spring break, we went to Kiawah Island with family, and we traveled all the time. I even went to the Christian-Science summer camp my mom and uncle went to in Maine when they were growing up.  

My mom joined Weight-Watchers to lose the weight she had gained from the medications she had to take.  She lost most of the weight she wanted to lose, and was very pleased with herself.  

Then, in 2009, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer; the most difficult battle of her entire life.  She was put on chemotherapy.  She had many times of switching between living in the hospital and living at home in a hospital bed.  She turned 52 on June 11th of that year, and was failing slowly.  She was surrounded by family and friends all the time.  I was there for most of it, and was only 12 years old.  I hated being at my home, and would do anything to be away from my mom.  I was afraid of when my mom's death would occur.  

Finally, on June 25, 2009, my mom, the beautiful, strong, amazing Linda passed away surrounded by my grandparents, four hospice nurses, my dad, and me.  We knew it was time, and knew she was at peace.  

My dad and I went through heck and back through each other's grief, feeling pain whenever we saw moms and daughters having fun, or husbands and wives sitting together.  My family stuck together through thick and thin, and we still do.

~~~~~~

This is my story, but really my mom's.  It is the very shortened version, but I wanted to let you all know that I can totally relate to how you all feel, because my mom died right in my own home.  I will forever love her, and I know that my grief will someday feel better, and I will be able to stand up straight again.

Creating this helped me more than you may think, and I believe that if you wrote an "obituary" or "biography" or your loved one's life, it would help tremendously.

It can make your journey so much easier.  Just sit down with a piece of paper and a pen or pencil or in front of a computer screen and write the story or stories of your loved one(s) lives.  It makes the memories we had with them more fun to think about, and it makes us think about the things our loved ones did and not just that they died, but maybe helped in a charity or played a lot of sports or had ten children, something like that.  It's a fun exercise I think all of us could benefit from, and don't worry! No one would have to read it, it's just for you!

Here is a post to help you get started writing~

http://www.connect.legacy.com/inspire/how-to-write-an-obituary-or

The pictures from above are mine.

Good luck and As Always,

Elizabeth

Safety in Our Grief

Am I Alone? Am I Okay?

You may feel lonely, and scared, but always remember, you
are not going through grief by yourself.

It is always important to feel safe. Right? Yes.  We may have had an experience when someone tried to jump out at us, from a bush, or from a dark room and try to scare us. I have never liked those moments, and I'm sure no one has.  No one likes to feel afraid or alone, at least I know I don't!  

Grief is kind of like this because it can jump on us at any time, like a friend jumping out behind the door of a closet.  We never know when we will feel depressed with it, but we do know, and I know, that we can all handle it. We have been strong, and if we continue to be that way, grief can feel better and not as 'scary.'  

Reaching out to feel safety is always important as well.  I have always looked to reach out to my family, who always, sometimes know what to say to me when I am in pain.  They make me feel 'safe.'  

My mom's death sent me downhill, but reaching out to others has brought me back up to the surface.  When we lose someone, it is hard to want to do anything or say anything to the ones who are offering help.  

Safety in our grief is different for everyone, and can be very important.  Feeling 'scared' or 'alone' in our grief can cause us to fall deeper in our grief. Sometimes, if we look at old pictures or home movies, and we see our passed away loved one, it sometimes is very sad because you may wish to be with that person again and do that same activity again.  

Not everyone likes to publicize their grief, which is completely understandable because sometimes I don't either.  I have realized, the hard way, that when I am able to speak of my grief, or tell a story of my mother, I feel better because then, the people around me know why I may be acting sad or strange. 

I do think, though, that we can all agree that grief really stinks.  Our lives are not made to dwell on our grief, they're made to live them out with big and small challenges, and living out all those amazing, fun times. 

We may all get that feeling sometimes when we feel as though we aren't okay.  We may feel that we are sinking.  We don't want that!  You may ask yourself, "Why am I feeling this way? Am I okay?"  The answer is, YES. We all may feel that way and that is another feeling of safety.  We all may feel anxious as though maybe our loved one doesn't love/ like us anymore, but the truth is, they will always love us no matter if they are in Heaven, or here with us.  We all need to feel safe in our grief, and that is a MUST.  

Once again, grief is so hard to get through, and if we feel safe with it, it becomes a little easier.  It's kind of like our self image, like if we feel confident in who we are, then others will accept us as well, and it will be easier to be ourselves.  

Feeling safe in grief is just like feeling safe in any situation.  For example, do you feel safe when you are in a car with your best friend on the way to the movies or dinner?  Yes? No?  Well, grief is the same because do you feel safe when you are home alone and have no where and no one to talk to about your grief? Yes? No? Grief is so strange, but we can get through it! 

I'll leave you with a quote that I've heard ever since my mom passed away.

 

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." ~Gandhi

Good luck, and have faith that you are safe and you don't need to feel alone nor afraid.

Here is a link to a video on YouTube which deals with grief, and quotes from people who know what we are going through. Check it out!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXpcAFT8hU0 

As Always,

Elizabeth

Picture at the left: 

https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&site=imghp&tbm=isch&source=hp&biw=1104&bih=647&q=grief+alone&oq=grief+alone&gs_l=img.3...2427.3812.0.4222.11.11.0.0.0.0.102.637.10j1.11.0.ehm_pq_ffrac%2Chmss2%3Dfalse...0...1.1.32.img..3.8.501.OWM3QcuYz0U#hl=en&q=grief+not+alone&tbm=isch&facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=4z-DSjVA3RiJLM%253A%3BweOcjo5ttVFnUM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fthegrieftoolbox.com%252Fsites%252Fdefault%252Ffiles%252F31919_380394008724599_2010108774_n-2.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fthegrieftoolbox.com%252Fartwork%252Fyou-are-not-alone%3B852%3B657

Picture at the right:

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