The Stages of Our Grief

~The Difficult Stages and Feelings We Get Through Grief~

 

That feeling that you may get of, "Why did this have to happen to me?" or "I didn't do anything to deserve this!" are both completely normal. Even the "This is so NOT fair!" is so regular and completely normal as well, plus it's true! I feel them all the time.  It is not fair when a loved one is taken from us, especially when they are younger or if the death is unexpected.  Grief, by no means, is easy, as I've said before.  As teens, we may feel that no one is there to listen to us when our grief is on the stronger side.  I will take this time to explain the different stages of grief. Not everyone experiences all these, but most of them are common.  Just remember, if you begin to go through strong waves and periods of grief, look to others for comfort, especially if they knew the person who passed on.

The Stages and Their Meanings: (not in a perfect order)

• Grief~ The main feeling of all the rest of these stages. The word used to explain the pain we go through after our loss of a loved one or loved ones.
• Hate~ You may experience yourself hating the person who passed away, or the caretakers who took care of your loved one during their difficult times. Grief can also make you dislike yourself, that you didn't do enough, or you aren't 'grieving the way you should.' Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone grieves differently!
• Revenge~ Revenge occurs when you may wish that your loved one's death happened to someone else's loved one.  
• Atrocity~ You may not understand why your loved one passed one. Some people feel as though their loved ones died only to cause pain to others, when that, in most cases, is not the reason
• Fears~ This one is one of the largest stages. I had many problems with my fears interfering with my life. Fears may include worrying if another loved one is going to pass away, or the person who passed on is not in peace, when I can assure you, they are.
• Pain~ Pain is also one of the hardest stages. You can probably also tell by the name, P-A-I-N.  Pain sums up everything.  You may experience pain due to how strong the loss was in your life, or when the death occurs, especially if it is right in the middle of the school year. I was lucky in my own experience, where my mother passed away in the summer, three weeks after school got out for summer.  Pain is also one of the strongest stage and brings a larger impact on our grief. Grief and pain are like synonyms.  
• Anger~ This relates back to atrocity.  It does because we may become angry at the loved one because they weren't 'strong' enough, or they didn't care enough about us, so they decided to leave.  Anger comes if you are trying to 'talk' with your loved one who has passed away, and you may not get results the way you would like, or at the times you would like, but they are there still listening and thinking about you.  Anger may also come if you are trying to explain your situation to someone who is not interested in listening to you, and you become angry that they will not listen to you. It feels almost like a lack of trust.  

Then the loop continues.  Like I said before, not everyone experiences every single stage, and if you do, they may not all occur in the same order each time.  

When you experience these stages, it is important to refer back to my first post, and try and figure out what can distract you from the sometimes unexpected feelings and emotions.  Also, do not be afraid to release the emotions that may occur along with the feelings. It is normal! No one has the right to judge you or to criticize you for how you are feeling or how you are showing that.  

I want to find one person that says grief is easy.  It is not true, and anyone experiencing it knows that. 

What is your favorite thing to do to help subside your grief? Let me know in the comments.

In the link below, some other stages of grief are explained, especially occurring in teens, like us.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief

Thank you and As Always,

Elizabeth

Picture From:

http://healingplaceshome.com/new-reenies-piece-mind/

Church Hill, Richmond, VA Food Tour

How Can Such Good Food Exist in Richmond?

(Above) This is the savory, delicious, and of course
amazing buttermilk pie and the cute little cupcake with
the raspberry.

(Above) This is a Tru-Ade sign above Anthony's
On the Hill Pizzeria.  

Recently, my class went on a 'Real Richmond Food Tour of Church Hill' in Richmond, VA.  It was amazing.  I had never heard of any of the places we stopped in. Although it was raining the day we went, it was so much fun. I met all the owners and chefs in the restaurants.  We had barbecue from Alamo Barbecue, which was one of my favorites.  We went to Anthony's On the Hill, which was the best homemade pizza I've ever eaten in my life, and that is not an understatement.  We then went to Well-Made Pastry Alliance or WPA Bakery, where we ate creamy, savory buttermilk pie, which was made out of leftovers, and a delicious vanilla cupcake with a small raspberry on the top. That was my all time favorite spot.  We then went to Sub Rosa Bakery. We did not get to try anything there, but we learned the history of the Bakery.  They had a fire last April.  I will definitely look forward to going there again once it is reopened.  Our last stop was at Proper Pie Co.  

These places all offered amazing foods. Some I had had before, but never like this.  It really pulled me out of my 'comfort zone' of my food favorites. When we left each place, I told my friends, "I'm definitely bringing my family here sometime!"  The two places I enjoyed the most were Anthony's On the Hill (the Italian restaurant) and the WPA Bakery. I love pizza and sweets, especially when they're completely homemade.  The pizza was completely hand-made, from the crust, to the tomato sauce.  The buttermilk pie and the cupcake were so amazing. They melted in the mouth.  

I completely recommend the Real Richmond experience.  These food tours are adult and teen friendly. Not only do you get to eat mouthwatering food, but you get to learn about the history of the places you walk to.  We got to overlook downtown Richmond and learned the history while enjoying some Alamo Barbecue, which by the way gets delivered by a man riding an awesome pink bike.  Also, it is fun because it's like going out to eat with a bunch of your friends. It would be an awesome activity to do on a date or just wanting to spend some snacking time with your friends and/ or family.  You can do it by yourself with a bunch of other people, or you can form a group to go with.  They offer different food tours all over Richmond, not just in Church Hill.  You can go on the Real Richmond website to find out more information.

This topic is not related to what I usually write about, but it is a very amazing experience I went through and decided to share it with you all amazing people. It is a great way to not have to focus on your grief.  It is an activity to do to keep you busy, like I suggested in my last post.  Thanks for taking the time to read this!

As Always, 

Elizabeth